Under His Wings

"For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be" Psalm 139: 13-16

I sit down in the green living room recliner. Open my Bible. Read from Psalms. Chapters 91 and 139. Rivers of tears begin to flow slowly. Then a flood. Look at my dusty journal. See last entry dated 6.6.11. Feel embarrassed that it's been that long. Over six months since my pen last touched these pages. Wow, I used to fill several pages a day. This might be messy. Lay it out, Regina. Raw. Unedited. Less than perfectly worded. He loves this. Desires this. Takes great joy in this. It's part of the healing. I need this.

The past 36 hours have been almost unreal. A family tragedy has occurred. Not in a far off untouchable way, but very close to home. About 3 minutes from home to be exact. My cousin, Marilyn and her husband Mark just lost three of their ten precious children. Car accident. Transported from earth to heaven. In an instant. No longer living and yet fully alive for the first time. Oh LORD, did you really need them this soon? The twins just got their license a few weeks ago. Joelyn still had more tapioca pudding to make and many more babies to hold and haul around on her hip. My boys loved her. The animals in the barn are hungry and miss hearing their voices. The grass will be two feet tall if Kyle and Jordan don't mow. Aching. Gaps. Holes.

And yet...there is a higher response. Yesterday morning, at 9:14am to be exact the phone rang. I tore down the steps thinking it was a family member, but my caller ID said, "Higher Response". I picked up, wondering who would be on the other end. No one. I hung up puzzled and yet sensing the LORD was speaking something to me. 9:14am...I felt the prompting. Look up Psalm 91:4...

"He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart."

More tears. Today, I am hiding under His wings. It's warm. It's safe. It's the only place. I may stay here for awhile...